I really do enjoy traveling. All the trips with friends I really really love it. I love the independence I get from my parents when they let me travel with friends since 18. Okay maybe not that young but still. (Technically the first time traveling without them was 15.) 

Just thought of the first time I spent a night without my parents. Or to be exact, two nights. P5 camp. I thought I will cry actually but I didn't. Okay this is a damn messed up post, cause I am just typing out what I thought. Just realized the first time I spent nights without my parents was like... When I was six?! Wow independent me rightttt. Like real. My dad was sent to Canada for like a month, brother was staying in the hospital and my mum couldn't look after both of us so I was sent to Malaysia with a relative :( Was crying on the journey to Malaysia I think haha. And I think that was my first time drinking Shandy. Alcoholic me oopssss. 

I don't fear being forgotten. I mean, I think my close friends will not forget me and I trust that we will still be as close when I am back. Why care so much about people who don't care as much right? 

I don't really fear that I will have no friends. Technically, I should have a few hi-bye friends from projects and classes. And all the Singaporeans in the whatsapp group. It shouldn't be that bad. 

So what do I really fear? I fear that I will miss my family, fear that I won't be able to look after myself. All this time I am trying to tell others I am independent enough to realize I am not at all. Can't show how sad/scared I am cause I am the one who argued with my mum/fought so hard to go on exchange. 

I even counted the number of weeks before I will be back. Nineteen weeks at most. 

Don't even have the mood to source for PA :( why do we all want to go for an exchange programme?! I realized what I really want was chance to travel and explore the world alone not to live on my own. Hmm. 

19 weeks. 133days. Around 3000 hours and I will be back.