What a morbid thought. Really?

When we were younger, all we wanted to be was to be older. To have the freedom to pursue whatever we like, to have the monetary means to buy whatever we want...

But are we doing that? Or are we just slowly dying every day. I can't help but be reminded of this essay's topic that was popular during secondary school- "Every life is a death sentence". Sidenote, how could they figure out the truth in that statement during secondary school but I am only understanding it now? #latebloomer

Why do we want to grow up so fast? Yeah, think I am really slow because growing up only makes me realise how death is no longer a stranger, how our loved ones are aging...  And all these realisations just lead to too many questions and thoughts about death.

Is it better to die of a sudden heart attack or to suffer from a terminal illness, knowing the number of years you still have? What kind of stage do you give up on conventional treatments and go for palliative care? 

Not sure if reading books related to mortality like "Being mortal" by Atul Gawande and "When breath becomes air" by Paul Kalanithi are helping much. The latter's epilogue just had me tearing (haven't experienced that in a long time). And reading career-related/seize the day type of books just makes me question my choices.

Fear setting. Lizard brain. "Are you happy?". Igikai.

Is this the quarter-life crisis? Is this an existential crisis?